*sniff sniff* … smells like something’s burning…
… it’s probably the super overdue July 4th Voice Actor post,
that thing’s been cooking since last year…
Remind me again, why did I spare you from the Akira Ishida Massacre of Spring ’06?
I thought it was because you needed someone to co-host this article with…
Shut up and go make sure the grill’s clean, I’m starting the show …lousy, s$31 talking blondes…
… …*spits on a burger earmarked for Masa*
Anywho… it certainly has been awhile, but to make up for it, I’m doing a super 4th of July GotVA? BBQ Extravaganza, featuring four reputed voice actors from the other side of the pond. Now, I know there’s a lot of hard feelings out there in the anime community about English dubbing. “Don’t capture the essence of the Japanese” “Censor everything” “Voices just don’t fit”. Well, you know what? Dubbed anime still brings new fans into the fold, and for that it’s a good thing. Hell, I remember being a kid and watching DragonballZ on Saturday mornings and thinking it was the BOMB! And that was in English. Okay, well, I see our first guest arriving, and it’s none other than the most awesome Steven Jay Blum!
Is this the right place? I got some really shitty directions from my friend, David Lucas.
That name sounds familiar… I think I sent out an invitation to that guy too, and to ‘Brandon Jeremy’. I’m surprised you got here so fast, word is that you aren’t exactly a big anime fan.
Well, that’s actually true. I have a deep respect for all kinds of animation (it is how I’ve made my living), but I’m not exactly a huge anime nut…
… …*spits on a burger earmarked for Blum*
And, uh, I talked to David, said he couldn’t make it. My sons Brandon or Jeremy also.
Well, your resume does include alot of video game, American cartoon and Japanese anime… There’s more roles here than I could list off in the whole article. I think that makes you something like the king of all-time appearances for voice-actors, and yes, I am counting all your aliases.
Aliases? I don’t know what you’re talking about…
I see your fear of the unions runs deep, and I don’t blame you, a man’s got to. Props to you… er, to David Lucas and all the rest for still sticking it to those bastards and doing the non-union jobs too. By the way, what was your favorite role?
Without a doubt it was Spike Spiegel, from Cowboy Bebop. I loved doing the cool, smoking-gun badass; it was like a dream role. Spike allowed me to express the most depth and inner torment. Very complicated soul, very subtle and challenging to voice.
And you made a couple friends from all those hours in the studio, didn’t you, Steve?
I see the south Californians are both on schedule. Funny, I thought you types were all about being fashionably late! Oh yes, this is the beautiful, talented Mrs. Wendee Lee, folks. She voiced Faye Valentine, working alongside Steve Blum in Cowboy Bebop, which, I will add, is my favorite dubbed anime.
Oh, masa, stop! I’m married you know… though I suspect that wouldn’t stop you… But, yes, I really enjoy bringing foreign works into English, film and anime. Oh, and I believe I beat Steve here, unless he’s been in over 200 English dubs…
Hey! Woman! Why don’t you quit your boastin’ and get your ass back here in the kitchen where you belong! You think I’m busting my ass over these burgers for fun?
Judeau, on pain of death, shut the hell up before I put you IN the burgers… Er… that is, my associate does bring up an interesting theme that I know you’re passionate about, Mrs. Lee. Some women have a problem with anime because they say it demeans and objectifies women as subservient sexual objects. I know this isn’t exactly fare for a barbeque, but in the spirit of Independence Day, do you have any thoughts on that? I mean, is anime sexist?
“Absolutely! It’s totally sexist, and I would have to say that’s in part because of its audience, young guys! So what can you do? Once in a while a cool title comes along that’s centered around the female view, but then again that generally means plenty of T&A and skimpy costumes. That’s always difficult as a woman. Not to mention the amazingly super-human anime babe anatomy we’re expected to somehow live up to in real life. That can be a bit much! But the guys dig it… My question is how does one get a bod like that?!”
Unlike Steve here, I am fascinated with Japanese culture, including anime. I really have been meaning to visit Japan…
Honey, you really should! One day I’ll try to get my husband, Matt, to fly us both out there while he’s ass-raping… I mean licensing, an anime…
Oh, Tiffany Grant! So~ glad you could make it! Ms. Grant here did a fairly mediocre job at voicing Asuka in the dub of Neon Genesis Evangelion. She was also in the dub of Noir, which I hate. But, but, please do have a seat, Mrs. Grant…
…um… okay… *she sits*
NOW JUDEAU! NOW!!!
Wh- ERM, ERM~~~~~!!
BITCH! Let’s see your bone headed husband try to ‘buy you out of’ this one This is what happens, Tiffany! This is what happens when you *&%% a fansubber in the ass!
Oh my goodness! What is going on?! Masa, what is this?
Please don’t be alarmed, Wendee. It’s alright, Wendee! It’s alright. … Now, it turns out I did have an ulterior motive inviting you all here. Part of it is to celebrate your fine work as pure-blooded American voice actors, truly two great testaments to this great nation! However, as you yourself have no doubt witnessed first hand, that very industry is being throttled by the godless infidels of the licensing companies like the one Mrs. Grant’s husband heads. For a voice actress to share her bed with that scum! That licensing scum…. constantly plaguing hard-working fansubbers who EAGERLY provide quality translations of anime and asking, asking for what? For nothing! They give their blood, sweat and cup of noodle tears for FREE, for FREE, Wendee! And isn’t that what we’re all here for to celebrate today? Freedom? Isn’t it, Wendee?! ISN’T IT!?!
This is what happens when you *&%% a fansubber in the ass, Tiffany! THIS is what happens, Tiffany!
But!- Oh, but this is- I don’t know! I thought this was supposed to be just a nice BBQ!
– But don’t you see Wendee? It can’t just remain a BBQ! No! Must I remind you, on this day, this glorious day of all days? A BBQ? Did our founding fathers sit down with the British and ask for their freedom over burgers and hot dogs? Did Washington cross the Delwarare on a Foreman %@$!ing Grill, Wendee? Did they all take the day off from work and get wasted on! NO! They didn’t have that luxury! They were fighting a war! A glorious war against tyranny! Against tyranny! They fought for freedoms that these sniveling, money-grubbing, tea-swilling LICENSORS want to take away from us, Wendee! And the CENSORSHIP! The licensors, Tiffany’s husband and the whole lot of them are trying to take away our RIGHT TO FREE SPEECH! Our first, numero uno amendment! And, and not just that! Oh, Wendee, don’t you see? Don’t you see that they’d just as soon tar and feather the whole lot of you, you voice actors, you backbone of anime, if they could figure out a way to get little robots to voice their characters for you? Like that little bastard TOM on Toonami… taking Moltar’s spot, I’ll never forgive him…
…er.. I actually voice TOM on Toonami…
Don’t push it, dude. He’s only sparing you because of Cowboy Bebop and – TIFFANY! Is that a cellphone I see? Oh you foolish, foolish girl. Didn’t I tell you what would happen if you tried to be brave? -er, yeah and the Orochimaru work, bang up job, by the way… But I wouldn’t push him right now… he’s ill.
jesus, and I thought the goons the unions hired were scary…
And now we will hold Mrs. Tiffany Grant hostage, holding the entire licensing dictatorship paralyzed in fear that next will be their wives or their children. And the fansubbers will never recieve another C&D and there will be no more censorship! MWHAHAHA!!
Hey, um! Sorry I’m late… Is this the BB… Why is Tiffany Grant blindfolded, covered in teriyaki sauce and crying?
OMG! It’s David Kaye! OMFG! I can’t believe you actually came!
Wait a minute, masa! What is this? That guy’s a freakin Canadian! What’s he doing at our Fourth of July BBQ?! I thought you were a patriot!
It’s alright Judeau. He is, in fact, the fourth guest, and for a very good reason. Long have I enjoyed this man’s work, as he is one of the best English voice actors, in my humble opinion. I remember in college, a whole group of people would get together and get high and watch the Adult Swim lineup on Cartoon Network. And they’d watch that poorly drawn Aqua Teen and those other shows, but I was always surprised, because they’d also watch some of the anime. And you know why they did? It was that bastardly show ‘Inuyasha’ and the voice acting is some of the worst I’ve ever heard in my life. And these kids would sit there and laugh, LAUGH at how bad the voices were. Kagome would snivel, Inuyasha would grunt like he was constipated, and they all laughed, saying, “This shit is for kids!” “How can anyone seriously watch this?!” “The Japanese are retarded.” Oh, and they’d laugh and laugh at that horrible dub, but, whenever Mr. Kaye’s character would come on screen, all of a sudden things would change. He voiced Sesshomaru, and he’d come on screen and with a deep and eerily calm voice say stuff like, “I will personally see to it that he never breathes again.” And the laughter would stop! And sometimes one of the watchers, these people who were so sure anime was pathetic, they’d comment, “Man that guy is some kind of badass.” And all because of Mr. Kaye here!
But… granted, he is a good voice actor… But I thought today was supposed to be about America?
Ah, Judeau, how little you know. For Mr. Kaye is perhaps the most patriotic of guests I could have called here today! He, this man, Canadian though he may be, is responsible for one of the greatest cornerstones of America, a pillar of patirotism that has long stood tall and defined the very essence of America!
Not Thomas Jefferson
Not even George Washington!
Not even joint-smoking bald eagle!
Yes! Indeed, David Kaye, in his very first cartoon voice acting role, nonetheless, was the heart and soul and brain of G.I. Joe, General Hawk! And for this he should be honored and greeted by all Americans as if he were their own! And now you know, Judeau, and knowing… knowing is half the battle!
Notes: Among his many aliases, Steve Blum goes under ‘David Lucas’ and ‘Brandon Jonathan’, the last being the combination of his two sons’ names. Mr. Blum is the second most prolific male American voice actor of all time. He prefers to work from home, so he can ‘work in his underwear’. He was born and raised in Santa Monica.
Mrs. Wendee Lee also does foreign films, American films (Austin Powers for one) and video games. She was a dance instructor for many years and her favorite artist is Leonardo Davinci.
Noteable roles for:
Steven Blum – “K.T.” (Initial D), Spike Spiegel (Cowboy Bebop), Kazuma (s-CRY-ed), Roger Smith (The Big O), Darcia (Wolf’s Rain), Vincent Valentine (FF7: Advent Children), Orochimaru and Zabuza (Naruto) – also served as a script adapter for the dubbed Naruto
Wendee Lee –
Xinghua and Seung Mina (Soul Caliber), Kei (Akira), Ururu and Tatsuki (Bleach), Takako Shimizu (Chobits), Faye Valentine (Cowboy Bebop), Yui Hongo (Fusigi Yuugi), 5 roles in GTO, Kaolla Su (Love Hina), Suzuka (Outlaw Star), Fee Carmichael (Planetes), 4 roles in Scrapped Princess, Kiyone (Tenchi Muyos), Haruhi (Haruhi), Yahiko (Rurouni Kenshin)
also did Voice Direction for dubbed Bleach, Director for Outlaw Star, ADR Director for numerous Love Hina’s and Wild Arms 4.
Tiffany Grant –
Kaorin (Azumanga Daioh), Kome (Blue Seed), Yu Inagawa (Comic Party Revolution), Asuka (Neon Genesis Evangelion), Altena (Noir), Kim Hotaru (RahXephon), Haruka (Sister Princess)
David Kaye –
F’ him, he’s Canadian. Worse, his favorite anime is Pokemon, no joke.
… seriously though… Captain Hawk (G.I. Joe), Megatron (Beast Wars, Transformers Cybertron, Transformer Energon, Transformers Armada), Sesshomaru (Inuyasha), Clank (Rachet and Clank), Soun Tendo (Ranma 1/2), Treize (Gundam Wing)
GotWoot? in no way condones the kidnapping of anybody, even $@#!-smoking licensing company executives or their families…